Heavenly Show Hoarder Gifts

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

'That's our mission statement.'

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"Sorry I locked us out of the ship but if waving this cloth we found makes you happy. . . I'll be happy to do it."

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

Bobbies library of jeans

'Yes, they were using it to clean up the graffiti!'

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

I see you've caught my honey robber.'

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

'Steven! Those nuts are for guests! Stop hiding them!'

James Russell Lowell

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

'Pay bills, stick to a budget, plan ahead.'

Were you aware, minion, that bees are dying off by the millions all over North America? No. Studies show it was caused by a certain type of pesticide that was introduced in the 1990s. A pesticide that nobody can prove was concocted by a young man in my - I mean, his - basement. Anyone who thought ahead and stocked an underground cavern with 50 tons of honey is going to clean up. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Very bad man.

'Millers said they travelled through Europe? Nonsense! All of their souvenirs have little tags reading 'Made in China'!'

"He is so gross: He is a hoarder you see, and keeps all his old skins..."

'I hear he's lobbying for tax laws that will let him declare us his dependents.'

"We do have a wonderful art collection, but it has taken over somewhat: We either need to have a bower or get professional help..."

Of course it's filled with my old skins, it's my shed.

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

Bad News Headlines: War in Iraq...Largest Peace Time Deficit.

Fantasy Football Awards: 'The trophy to the Monday morning quarterback with the widest end zone...'

Wife's head is mounted on hunter's wall.

"Oh, it's not food, it's my money: I don't trust banks..."

"After this, we'll set down some traps. That should deal with the rest of them."

"Harold wanted to make sure no one takes his chair while we're on holiday."

"Aside from the hours of DVR'ed shows you have yet to watch, what else keeps you together?"