Happy Hoarder Gifts

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

'That's our mission statement.'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'And the cat is due back in 2 weeks.'

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

Self-Help Books Families for Lockdown

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Dictionary Sale - Now in High Definition.

"Boy, these are really overdue!"

'Look, if we're going to make this business work, we need to stop eating all the stock.'

Sign on a sale bin at a bookstore that reads "Latte-Damaged Books".

Young Geeks.

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

'The sagaman must have had a googol of inedita.'

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

James Russell Lowell

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

I see you've caught my honey robber.'

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

'This isn't my closet - this is my room.'

'Damn it! Wait your turn!'

"He is so gross: He is a hoarder you see, and keeps all his old skins..."

'I hear he's lobbying for tax laws that will let him declare us his dependents.'

Man reading 'Amnesia volume 1' while having a bookshelf full of 'Amnesia Volume 1'

"Hi honey, could you run by the bookstore on the way home? We're almost out of poetry."

'Millers said they travelled through Europe? Nonsense! All of their souvenirs have little tags reading 'Made in China'!'

"They're all the books I've self published on amazon."

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

'I only collect ghost-written books.'