Heart Of Stone Humorist Gifts

"Did I miss something?"

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

'We never had all these labour-saving devices in my young day!'

"Pass that."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"Come on, Og, get with it. Everybody's putting their stuff on 'the cloud' these days."

'What's on the other side?...'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Garg saw the future, but didn't quite know what to do with it.

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

"If we're to have a serious relationship Nigel, you must stop ringing my bell and running away."

In the houseplant cemetery.

We love the Rolling Stones...

'Kitchen's small, but I love the granite countertops.'

Soldier in medieval battle says: 'Oi, take it easy! This is an English Heritage site.'

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

'Don't be silly -- how can a PARROT be part Scottish?'

'And that is Great Grandpa Bobo. They say he slipped on a banana peel and died, but I think it was just a heart attack.'

"I don't know. I just don't think this 'bowling' thing will work."

Driving Test: Roll/Stop

'At least it's a dry heat'

SPF-30 Sunscreen Lotion

'...never take anything for granite!'

Wanted to live forever, died trying.

"Og is our VP in charge of rubbing sticks together."

"Well, at least it's a dry heat."

'Sure, but can you THINK on your feet'

Your birthstone a stone? My birthstone a stone!

'No wonder it's so warm! Someone's been messing with the thermostat again!'

"I'm sorry Tim, but our online profiles aren't compatible anymore!"