Heart Of Stone Humorist T-Shirts

"Did I miss something?"

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

'We never had all these labour-saving devices in my young day!'

"Pass that."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'What's on the other side?...'

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Garg saw the future, but didn't quite know what to do with it.

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

"If we're to have a serious relationship Nigel, you must stop ringing my bell and running away."

In the houseplant cemetery.

'Kitchen's small, but I love the granite countertops.'

'Don't be silly -- how can a PARROT be part Scottish?'

"I don't know. I just don't think this 'bowling' thing will work."

'And that is Great Grandpa Bobo. They say he slipped on a banana peel and died, but I think it was just a heart attack.'

Driving Test: Roll/Stop

'At least it's a dry heat'

SPF-30 Sunscreen Lotion

'...never take anything for granite!'

Wanted to live forever, died trying.

"Og is our VP in charge of rubbing sticks together."

"I'm sorry Tim, but our online profiles aren't compatible anymore!"

'Sure, but can you THINK on your feet'

'No wonder it's so warm! Someone's been messing with the thermostat again!'

"Well, well, would you look at that. Fire. Talk about living beyond your means."