Having A First Child Gifts

"Let me guess -- first child?"

New heroes!

'Mom never pops a wheelie.'

'Moms are full of surprises.'

'Baby's teething.'

'Back me up buddy! She sounds cool with Moa!'

'Thank you for joining me for tonight's slide flute recital!'

'That's not the image I wanted to leave him with.'

'I know how to fix that!'

'It actually works pretty good just about anywhere.'

'I like a challenge.'

'More dirt=more bubbles!'

'The sooner I can talk, the sooner I have to start explaining.'

'Sorry folks. All these jokes can't be winners.'

'Said once, and never again!'

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"His first out-of-body experience."

Madonna of the Pukes.

A young Don King

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

Baby tells other Baby to call.

"Honey, where's the baby?" "The first voyage of Sinbad"

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'