Having A First Baby Gifts

'Yipee! A cockroach!'

"His first out-of-body experience."

A young Don King

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Madonna of the Pukes.

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

'She's just great with the children.'

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Whoa

"They say change is inevitable...thank goodness!"

'I'm not too sure about that.'

celebrating a birth.

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

"Honey, where's the baby?" "The first voyage of Sinbad"

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

Men explained.

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

'The doctor said oily fish was good for his brain development.'

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

'A is for Arse.'