Having A First Baby Mugs

'Yipee! A cockroach!'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

A young Don King

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

'She's just great with the children.'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"They say change is inevitable...thank goodness!"

'I'm not too sure about that.'

celebrating a birth.

"Honey, where's the baby?" "The first voyage of Sinbad"

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'The doctor said oily fish was good for his brain development.'

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

Men explained.

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

'A is for Arse.'

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'