Birth Of A First Child Gifts

'I think i cried myself inside out!'

'Or one of these things!!'

'How old? He's 14 months, 3 days, 7 hours and 16 seconds... 17... 18...'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Madonna of the Pukes.

A young Don King

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

My First Camera

Baby Piano

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"That's not how I sat on you."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'