First Child Gifts

Little chef.

'I'm leaking from everything!'

Children's Dream Dinners: Superhero Special

"It's not easy, the constant demand for attention, the fussing and crying..."

Quiet Time

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'A is for Arse.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'Is he your first?'

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'It's not dead, honey. You've just never seen it turned off before.'

'Tickle locked on target!'

'When the bough broke, how much was the daycare center sued for?'

'That never gets old.'

'A salute for crying in iambic pentameter.'

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

"His first out-of-body experience."

'Let's get this party started!'

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

'Try one - they're crunchy on the outside with a chewy centre.'

Home Zoo!

'A little help please.'

'Truly, truly, good and stretched.'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'Occupational hazard.'

'Imagine that in gummi!'

'When I pull the lever, Dad yells real loud!'

A young Don King

Parental Training Course

'Pur?ed nachos?'