Hatter Gifts

Man buying a mourning-band from a hatter

Madame Mantalini introduces Kate to Miss Knag

Hat in Hand

"I'm dating a milliner..."

Venus Fly Trap Hat

"So what if people do laugh? The world can use a little more laughter, can't it?"

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"You look ridiculous Ed. Why can't you just accept you're going bald and ditch the wig?"

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

"Here's a blues number I wrote after hat shopping the other day."

"If you wear these caps backwards, they keep the sun out of your eyes."

Saggy Boobs Make Great Bungee Ropes for Bored Hamsters.

'Bad news! We're hamsters!'

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

'Your mom too? Always saying, 'You never do anything constructive.''

'My boss collects stupid hats, Is yours for sale?'

'There's something you should know about washable wallpaper,pet!'

One of the lesser known joys of being a fencing instructor.

"Lucky you were wearing your hard-hat!"

Cricket with a hamster in a plastic ball.

Fans Desperately Try To Catch A Baseball

'Now look what you've done. I told you that I wanted a fair fight... making fun of his trunks is hitting below the belt.'

'Naw, I ain't athletic - it's just eye - hand coordination and the heft to hit the long ball.'

How To Sit When You Are A Kid

"I would not be opposed to a cat tax."

"The really skilled part is getting the customers to pay up within six months"

"Jeffery, put that filthy thing down and wash up for dinner. And how many times have I told you not to squeeze him so tight? I swear, if you kill this one too you won't get another one."

"The whole world is crazy except for me and thee...and sometimes I wonder about thee!"

Well, I told you to add yeast to your shampoo.

Wordplay 11. Repetition & on & on & on. . .

'I don't know why but these guys are fascinated with me...'