Guilt Grappler Gifts

'I've given up smoking, become vegetarian, use only environmentally friendly aerosols, vote Green, use unleaded petrol, but I STILL feel guilty...'

'I know I'm just a weather reporter, doc, but I feel guilty every time it rains.'

Your conscience dropped by, again without an appointment.

Man on diet fealing guilty

'Part of me wants to get caught. I need to get in touch with that part and beat the hell out of it.'

The Jeopardy of Progress

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"God works in mysterious ways."

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

Bad times to sneeze

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Grim Reapers sitting their 'Finals'.

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'

"Keep it up. His knuckles are getting really sore"

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

'Sorry professor, my mind was some other place.'

'I would've done better in geography, but the test on Australia boomeranged.'

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

Holding the moral high ground

'If I had Doppler, it would be predicting a storm when my parents see this grade on my meteorology test.'

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Cat boxer

'Mum, Dad, I've downgraded my academic forecast.'

'Such petulance!'

How's the writer's block?

"Look, I got a good grade because I worked hard. It's like riding a bike...stay in your seat, keep moving forward and you'll reach your goal. Unless you hit a lipstick case dropped in the middle of the road."