Greed Grappler Gifts

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

A man is fishing and a large hook descends from the sky with money as bait.

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'

Secretive Weigh In.

The Jeopardy of Progress

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

Bad times to sneeze

Grim Reapers sitting their 'Finals'.

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

"Keep it up. His knuckles are getting really sore"

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

'I would've done better in geography, but the test on Australia boomeranged.'

'Sorry professor, my mind was some other place.'

Holding the moral high ground

"Look, I got a good grade because I worked hard. It's like riding a bike...stay in your seat, keep moving forward and you'll reach your goal. Unless you hit a lipstick case dropped in the middle of the road."

'If I had Doppler, it would be predicting a storm when my parents see this grade on my meteorology test.'

'Mum, Dad, I've downgraded my academic forecast.'

'Such petulance!'

How's the writer's block?

Cat boxer

'Part of me wants to get caught. I need to get in touch with that part and beat the hell out of it.'

'Alright, gentlemen, I think we'll dispense with 'cheese'...'

'If my grades don't improve, I don't know what'll happen. Maybe they'll offer me a buyout.'

'You're not achieving the bench marks.'