Government Grappler Gifts

"Is this what the P.M. meant when he said they were united?"

The Jeopardy of Progress

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"God works in mysterious ways."

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

Bad times to sneeze

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

Grim Reapers sitting their 'Finals'.

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'

"Keep it up. His knuckles are getting really sore"

Freeway exit signs: Regulation, Deregulation, Reregulation.

If you ask me, pets shouldn't be allowed in the House of Commons...

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'I think I caught one of those fish showing on the graph.'

'I would've done better in geography, but the test on Australia boomeranged.'

'Sorry professor, my mind was some other place.'

Holding the moral high ground

"Look, I got a good grade because I worked hard. It's like riding a bike...stay in your seat, keep moving forward and you'll reach your goal. Unless you hit a lipstick case dropped in the middle of the road."

'Mum, Dad, I've downgraded my academic forecast.'

'Such petulance!'

Cat boxer

'If I had Doppler, it would be predicting a storm when my parents see this grade on my meteorology test.'

How's the writer's block?

'The government is DETERMINED to get rid of the 'target culture'...in fact we've committed to reducing targets by 68^ across 75% of the 76 most target driven departments within 96 days!'

'If my grades don't improve, I don't know what'll happen. Maybe they'll offer me a buyout.'