Reality Grappler Gifts

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

Just when I finally got a grip on things, the handle fell off.

The Jeopardy of Progress

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"God works in mysterious ways."

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

Bad times to sneeze

Grim Reapers sitting their 'Finals'.

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

'I think I caught one of those fish showing on the graph.'

'I would've done better in geography, but the test on Australia boomeranged.'

'Sorry professor, my mind was some other place.'

Holding the moral high ground

'Mum, Dad, I've downgraded my academic forecast.'

"Look, I got a good grade because I worked hard. It's like riding a bike...stay in your seat, keep moving forward and you'll reach your goal. Unless you hit a lipstick case dropped in the middle of the road."

How's the writer's block?

'If I had Doppler, it would be predicting a storm when my parents see this grade on my meteorology test.'

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

'If my grades don't improve, I don't know what'll happen. Maybe they'll offer me a buyout.'

'Part of me wants to get caught. I need to get in touch with that part and beat the hell out of it.'

"There is no complaint department, Robert."

'I know I'm just a weather reporter, doc, but I feel guilty every time it rains.'

'Didn't some smart guy say, 'Ignorance is bliss?''

"Look, Dad, I can explain my report card... Maybe I'm not the best student in the world...maybe I'll never be as good as you want me to be... Maybe..."

Atlas at Home

'... blast off!... Uh-oh. Houston, we have a problem.'