Government Grappler Pillows

"Is this what the P.M. meant when he said they were united?"

The Jeopardy of Progress

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"God works in mysterious ways."

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

Bad times to sneeze

Grim Reapers sitting their 'Finals'.

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

"Keep it up. His knuckles are getting really sore"

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'

Freeway exit signs: Regulation, Deregulation, Reregulation.

If you ask me, pets shouldn't be allowed in the House of Commons...

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'I think I caught one of those fish showing on the graph.'

'Sorry professor, my mind was some other place.'

'I would've done better in geography, but the test on Australia boomeranged.'

Holding the moral high ground

'Such petulance!'

'Mum, Dad, I've downgraded my academic forecast.'

'If I had Doppler, it would be predicting a storm when my parents see this grade on my meteorology test.'

"Look, I got a good grade because I worked hard. It's like riding a bike...stay in your seat, keep moving forward and you'll reach your goal. Unless you hit a lipstick case dropped in the middle of the road."

How's the writer's block?

Cat boxer

'The government is DETERMINED to get rid of the 'target culture'...in fact we've committed to reducing targets by 68^ across 75% of the 76 most target driven departments within 96 days!'

'Alright, gentlemen, I think we'll dispense with 'cheese'...'