Guilt Juggler Gifts

'We just couldn't live with ourselves if we put mother in a home...'

That party went well.

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Stop and Birch

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

Education Guidance

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

If you're a multiple personality could you spare an identity for an amnesiac?

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

A statue of Mercury is defaced with a purse, stockings, a bra and lipstick.

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am..."

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

"Bad case of 'Swivel Neck' comes from trying to watch too many games at the same time!"

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

"These new regulations will fundamentally change the way we get around them."

'Well, technically speaking, we do have a conscience...'

Let's merge and cut out the middle man.

Unicyclist painting a ceiling,

Lawyer, Attorney, Counselor, Barrister, Solicitor

Parole officer: Hanging in and hanging out.

'Part of me wants to get caught. I need to get in touch with that part and beat the hell out of it.'