Guardian Of The Gullible Gifts

"I tied his line around this log, then I tug on it once in awhile. He's gullible, because it's been three hours now."

Guide fish.

J. Wilbert Dentist - Sorry We're Open

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

Bleak House

"It's actually called 'snow white, the seven dwarfs and the damned biting watchdog.' But of course they don't tell us about that ."

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

Angels' Band: Balloons holding up a guitar.

Code Red!

See, no monster under your bed

"Well I only know of only one family smart enough to know they can't live without an energy efficient clothes dryer! That's right . . . the sucker fish family!"

"The custodian's job is 10 percent janitorial and 90 percent as my bodyguard."

'You will meet a tall, handsome psychologist who will teat your gullibility.'

Lollipop mask

"I told him that whole elephants being afraid of us thing was just a myth. But did he listen? Now look at him. What a putz."

"I'm not a guru. I just came up here to get away from fumes of pollution deregulation."

Seagulls

I can't believe you bought an air guitar on eBay! (Published originally on December 18, 2007.)

"Too righteous?"

"Don't look now. I think we've got company."

'He won't hurt you - just don't make any sudden moves.'

Firemen catching a gargoyle falling from a burning building

'I'm afraid neither of my parents are at home... Are they Dad? '

'Have you noticed that Harry has a twitch and is as mad as a haddock? Do you suppose it's mercury poisoning?'

Beware Electric Fence.

Call to ban American Bully XL

"I hate bugs...especially if they are in the software of this robot-spider."

'You look like someone who would believe anything....'

"You can always tell the pediatricians."

"My Mom lets me go wherever I want. I'm free-range"

'The head of the house is out, but I can handle any crank calls.'

Letching Lifeguard

Hadley K., All-Day Sucker.