Guardian Of Propriety Gifts

Lovers' leap with chaperone observation point.

The Bearskin Hat Family

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

"My parents call it a blanket hanging from my ceiling. I call it a giant privacy filter."

Bleak House

Beefeater

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

'But what about the 4th Amendment?'

"It's actually called 'snow white, the seven dwarfs and the damned biting watchdog.' But of course they don't tell us about that ."

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

"Our founders built this company on a certain set of principles. But since they're all dead and nobody wrote anything down, looks like we're screwed."

'Nap time's over, Ms. Doan. You have to wake them up.'

Code Red!

"I tied his line around this log, then I tug on it once in awhile. He's gullible, because it's been three hours now."

See, no monster under your bed

"The custodian's job is 10 percent janitorial and 90 percent as my bodyguard."

Lollipop mask

Pizza delivery to heaven.

'We hope you understand that you're not worth risking on our new carpet, and your feet will smell if you take your shoes off.'

Church Zone - Thou Shalt Not Speed.

I was going to make you a rich woman, but you're done. Fine with me. I don't care what percentage I'll get. I won't let you play with my reputation. I won't let you trade in fake scandal. Perfect. What? We got your anger on videotape. Your redemption is complete. You're back on the air. Even my head is spinning.

Uncle Sam is a Pedophile

'You're home early. I thought you were going to the gym.' 'I did. And then I saw a big sweaty butt print on the stationary bike seat, and well, here I am.'

Firemen catching a gargoyle falling from a burning building

"Proud parent of an honor student? Eh, whatever. Parent of an honorable student? Now that would be impressive."

Beefeater

"He intends to die with dignity. He desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

Databank - 'If you did it, we know about it.'

"Why can't I play with her now?!"

'Fersteinser believes in strictly minding his own business.'

'While your resume is impressive, Mr. Dornmont, we... um... feel your qualifications don't match our needs here...'

'Bob! The neighbors are moochin' our high-speed wireless again!'