Reputation Guardians Gifts

I was going to make you a rich woman, but you're done. Fine with me. I don't care what percentage I'll get. I won't let you play with my reputation. I won't let you trade in fake scandal. Perfect. What? We got your anger on videotape. Your redemption is complete. You're back on the air. Even my head is spinning.

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

Lovers' leap with chaperone observation point.

"Ok, so you beat me at scrabble!"

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

"Let's face it Mum, the main reason we're an endangered species is that we're fussy eaters..."

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

Britain sinking and losing it's identity.

'I've stopped getting bright ideas.'

You can have your privacy back, as soon as I've finished showing it to everyone

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

"Our founders built this company on a certain set of principles. But since they're all dead and nobody wrote anything down, looks like we're screwed."

Human rights fish is eaten by a shark.

"But is it Organic?"

"I used to be known as Mr. Nice Guy, but I bought my way out."

"Let me guess... Military, right?"

Make a careful study of these creatures and use every means to combat them...

If the British had been the first to see the Grand Canyon.

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

'Promise me one thing, Lorraine... you won't tell my friends we met at a church picnic?'

Church Zone - Thou Shalt Not Speed.

"Proud parent of an honor student? Eh, whatever. Parent of an honorable student? Now that would be impressive."

"He intends to die with dignity. He desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

Consumption vs. Strategy.

'Whoa, not so fast. Put on your Sneaker Stilts. We haven't cleaned up after the dog in weeks.'

"You know, it's guys like you that give guys like me a bad name!"

"I've come up with two alternatives. We can either fess up to the shareholders or eviscerate ourselves with this really big knife."

The AdRams Family no.14 - Filtering the internet for kids

'While your resume is impressive, Mr. Dornmont, we... um... feel your qualifications don't match our needs here...'

Do Not Cross the Vatican