Guacamole Guru Gifts

"They call him the avocado whisperer. He knows when they are about to turn."

A Puppet Named Juan

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Thru versus Through Traffic

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Punctuation Police

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

'The Questioner'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

I'm not saying I'm not a hound dog. I'm saying I'm not nothing but a hound dog.

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."