Guacamole Gourmet Gifts

"I'm afraid you're developing Guac-loma in

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

The wonderful world of cheese.

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Too much cilantro

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet