Gumshoe Guru Gifts

Detective Dinkins always made sure suspects knew how good he was at getting them to talk.

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

On the back of the t-shirt...

Muscles

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

Exercise Class

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

The trim reaper

"Careful! He knows computers."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"I exercised so much during my first pregnancy that the baby was born with athlete's foot."

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

'What are you eating now?'

'Can you take the lid off this jar for me...?'

Mystery of the Poets

Holiday Aerobics.

"When will you be starting building work on the lower body?"

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

'I want a brain, but I'd settle for buns of steel!'

'I wish you would update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

'The boss just chewed me up and spit me out...'

"How much could your mother bench?"

"Yes, sir, fat free—straight from the gym."

'It says for best work out to dismantle and reassemble.'

'The aerobics will give you a more youthful appearance overall, but you need to see a podiatrist about your crows feet.'

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

A hunchback rings bells in a gym while other guys pull weights

"That 'knowledge equals power' thing will take you only so far."