Shoe Guru Gifts

'Do you have this style in a larger size?'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

Muscles

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

On the back of the t-shirt...

'She's so put together!'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

A women in a shoeshop.

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Exercise Class

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

Keeping warm.

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

Sport Utility Boot.

Yoga Xmas Decorations

"Absolutely not!"

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Fisherman Evolution: They have evolved over the years with three distinct species...the largest of these is the coarse fisherman.

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

Mr Metrosexual.

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Do you like my little black number?'

At the suit makers

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'