Gear Guru Gifts

"I shaved my entire body and spent $2,600 on lighter bike components. Guess who's riding .04 miles per hour faster now?"

Eddy Merckx

I got my hunter, my guthook skinner, my folding lockback, my hatchet and saw. I still feel like I'm forgetting something.

'It has ten speeds but only one has been used.'

'That's our safety director. He takes safety very seriously.'

'Y'know, this wouldn't keep happening if you learned to load your pack properly.'

'There's a lot of bugs in these parts, so I suggest you wear your helmet from here on out.'

"It won't catch fish."

'Getting ready to have fun'

"Typical men - all torque."

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"Whoa, a dual-action airbrush kit with a 6-foot hose! How much is this?"

"Forgotten anything?"

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

"I missed a penalty wearing these."

Man checks the gears in his chest.

Economic order in Cuba

Complaints: 'Yes?'

'When my feet are cold I'm cold all over.'

'No. This is our top-of-the-line lightweight hiking tent. It's meant to be tight.

Bonfire of vanities.

"Give a man a fish, and he'll have food for a day. Give a man high-tech fishing gear, a boat and a pick-up truck and you'll get rid of him for the entire summer."

An Audio Technician's Pocket Knife

'Look! We have ants all the way up here.'

Tenth floor, mountaineering equipment.

'Typical... biggest fish I've ever landed and I've no keep-net!'

"What gear are we in, biscuit?"

Large hi fi.

'You'd run a lot faster if you didn't wear all that gear.'

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'Just a few things, I'm afraid. . .'

He collects a wide range of tackle and knows precisely how to use it.

Fisherman Evolution: They have evolved over the years with three distinct species...the largest of these is the coarse fisherman.

'I could never get the hang of all that fishing gear on this boat.'

Survivalists' supplies: The customer's always right wing.