Gazpacho Guru Gifts

"Now we have Nancy Pelosi's gazpacho police spying on members of Congress."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"The raw material was all around me: That's how I got started as a sculptor..."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

OM, SWEET OM

Sculptor's chippings

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

Cleaning the Horse

'Tell us about the time you met Charles Darwin, grandad.'

Cable Bill.

'I'm still working on the mystery of how to make a decent living with a tip jar.'

Hose and Flower in Perfect Harmony.