Gazpacho Guru Gifts

"Now we have Nancy Pelosi's gazpacho police spying on members of Congress."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"The raw material was all around me: That's how I got started as a sculptor..."

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

OM, SWEET OM

Sculptor's chippings

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

Cleaning the Horse

'Tell us about the time you met Charles Darwin, grandad.'

'I'm still working on the mystery of how to make a decent living with a tip jar.'

Hose and Flower in Perfect Harmony.