Guacamole Guru T-Shirts

"They call him the avocado whisperer. He knows when they are about to turn."

A Puppet Named Juan

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

Thru versus Through Traffic

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Punctuation Police

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

A Copy Editor and His Dog

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The Questioner'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"