Grumpy Traveler Gifts

"Stop moaning - you'll ruin our weekend away..."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Airplane Mode.

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

"Oh my God with the singing!"

Everyone at happy hour is grumpy.

Grumpy Old Men

'Sunnyside down.'

'Kids get right up my nose!'

Ryanair refunds

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

"Well, would you look at that. . . it's been below zero for two weeks back home."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

"No, there's nothing wrong. I just took a shortcut through the onions."

'No.'

"This passport is so weak that I need a visa to enter my own country."

'The problem with politics is politicians!'

"No more cross buns for you!"

Intelligent Navigation Device...

'Face it Marvin, you're a madstrom of conflicting emotions.'

'Mrs Gridlington doesn't like being referred to as 'duck' or 'dearie'...so I just call her 'the old trout'!'

"Why don't we just stay by this rock and take day trips around the local area?

'Always arguing, questioning, no patience, no respect for authority...'

"I tho tired."

Ex-hippie-now-staunch-Republican Herb Miller's freak flag keeps on flying, much to his chagrin.

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

'This massage chair's impossible - all I do is sit there and worry about missing a flight.'

"Your call is important to us, please hold on for the next available echo."

A Christmas Carl.

"I'd tell you all about the upcoming election, but I don't want to depress you."

'I have trouble sleeping in places away from home.'

Books - Travel Misery Memoirs

"The 9.23 train is cancelled...new timetables will be arriving at 9.46, 10.15 and 11.07."