Grudge Holder Humor Gifts

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

Football player has head instead of ball.

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

'Steven! Those nuts are for guests! Stop hiding them!'

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

"I plan to retire when bank robbery becomes legal!"

"Nice try, but I'm still angry."

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"He is so gross: He is a hoarder you see, and keeps all his old skins..."

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

"Oh, not much. Just sitting here sifting through an old scrapbook of past injustices and imagined slights."

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

'Regrets? Not many, except for this list of individuals that I had the misfortune of hiring...'

"We do have a wonderful art collection, but it has taken over somewhat: We either need to have a bower or get professional help..."

Of course it's filled with my old skins, it's my shed.

"I know I should Fuggedaboutit but I can't."

"My family likes to set up our grudges at Thanksgiving, stew over them through December, then take our revenge at Christmas."

'I never hold a grudge...after I get even!'

"I had his name spelled wrong on purpose. It will drive him mad ...forever!"

"After this, we'll set down some traps. That should deal with the rest of them."

Know when to let it go.

"I'm going to put a fir branch on my husband's grave. He always hated fir branches."

"And now, dear, I’m going to hum annoyingly and see how you like it."

"Oh no, the dead mouse on the threshold is not an offering! It's retaliation for my dinner being served late the night before..."

'I'm sorry, Catherine, but my feelings for you have changed since you reported me for stealing cable.'