Grocery Whiz Gifts

Excuse me for a moment. Jim is doing the shopping and the control tower needs to talk him down and bring him in for a safe landing.

Domestic Superheroes!!

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"I think you put too much healthy food in our smart refrigerator. It's about to spit it all out."

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"There are the arts, the sciences, agriculture, and commerce. Stick with commerce, if you know what's good for you."

Toast: the high energy food

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

"Wait, what are you doing?"

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

Unusual Offers

The perfect man

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'I've got it written down...'

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' BW

Self-Checkout.

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

Low Hanging Fruit

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

Friendly bacteria