Grocery Geek Gifts

"I'll go tomorrow when they've had time to re-stock after the mad scramble for bread and cheese."

Domestic Superheroes!!

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Disease Management

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"I come here for the pepper."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"These new variants are triggering my impostor syndrome."

'That new antibiotic seems to be working. Time to evolve again.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Unusual Offers

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Until Bob entered her life, Lisa never even knew the meaning of the phrase 'acute multiple drug-resistant infection by transgenic Staphylococcus aureus.

Try our new genetically engineered produce.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

Self-Checkout.

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs