Gourmet Geek Gifts

"I come here for the pepper."

Internet Cafe.

Wine Connoisseurs in Hell: 'You mean they're all room temperature!'

"All we've come up with so far is that new meatloaf."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

French wine

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Cheese

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'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'