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Menu. Specials. Soups. Salads. Drinks. You can't call this an internet cafe just because you have pull-down menus.

"I come here for the pepper."

Internet Cafe.

Wine Connoisseurs in Hell: 'You mean they're all room temperature!'

"All we've come up with so far is that new meatloaf."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

French wine

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

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"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."