Gridiron Investigator Gifts

"O.K., let's see what all the fuss is about."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

Totalitarian Humour

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'