Greasy Spoon Gourmet Gifts

'It takes all day to eat it.'

Buy ten stocks and I'll give you a free meal every day...including a family box of gastric spasm medicine!

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

Too much cilantro

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

To do before Saturday...

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Holiday Supplies

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Cheese

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'Is this still America?'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Cooking'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

All-Day Breakfast