Gourmet Grease Monkey Gifts

"I don't know about your oil, but the goulash you're cooking in your crankcase looks done."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

'I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about external combustion engines.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

'When last did you have your oil changed?'

'Rover is sulking because he helped bag the goose and all he gets for dinner is dog food.'

'It takes all day to eat it.'

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

Down on Her.

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"That'll be $7.88, 3000 calories and 500 grams of fat. Drive through please."

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

"I'm using this travel site to map out a trip to the land of Everything's Deep Fat Fried."

'Oof.'

'It's the same as our regular Angels hair pasta, but with extra grease.'

'Mac works on cars strictly for his own amusement.'

"I'm your problem."

Chip wagon oil change.

"No, thank you. I'd prefer seeing a menu from the restaurant across the street."

A mess of mechanics

'Whatever fast food - fried stuff, fat, sugar, salt for the 'Doesn't Bother Me' person'.

'Harold is an auto mechanic. He just can't get enough of his job!'

"It's not even artisanal."

"Bernard is our sous-mechanic."

REPLACING THE BURGER TANKS AT MR. BIG'S.

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

'Meadow fescue, meadow grass and perennial ryegrass! This is going to be the best party ever!'