Greasy Spoon Gourmet Pillows

'It takes all day to eat it.'

Buy ten stocks and I'll give you a free meal every day...including a family box of gastric spasm medicine!

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

To do before Saturday...

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Cheese

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'Is this still America?'

Holiday Supplies

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

All-Day Breakfast

'Cooking'