Greasy Spoon Fan Pillows

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"I believe I'll pass on the coffee."

All-Day Breakfast

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Non-Humble Pie.

Sometimes it's easy to see if a swamp creature is on vacation.

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

'It takes all day to eat it.'

'And you didn't think there would be any customers for liver-flavored cupcakes.'

Origin of the 'spork'

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

'Pardon me, M'sieur -- Did you order 'grilled cheese' or 'chilled grease'?'

Beer

Flatware Follies.

"Can you make me a tall Tazo chai latte with soy milk?" Bartleby, the soon-to-be-unemployed barista.

'Why don't you stop moaning, and be grateful that mother was kind enough to invite us around for a special halloween supper!'

Milly's Home-Style Restaurant

"Now we have Nancy Pelosi's gazpacho police spying on members of Congress."

'Mom's Diner: your meal free if you wash all the dishes and take out the garbage.'

Anarchist Cutlery: Soup Knife/ Bread Fork, Steak Spoon.

'I like making pastry. It gets your hands clean.'

"Wake me at five tonight with the full English."

Chicken Soup

Thank God it's Fry Day.

'Don't expect anything special

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

'Of course the steak's TOUGH-yer won't get cissy nosh in 'ere,chum!'

"I can't get the Grease soundtrack out of my head."

"Would you care for a drink before or after I shove menus in your face?"

Paris is baffled - how did the best French secret agent "blow" his cover?

"Are you ready to try it with a real egg?"

'Please be careful, sir, the plate is hot.'

"In a perfect world your toast would be done just right. But we don't live in a perfect world, do we?"

"He's hoping his nose can be used in a cake!"

'it's okay. The package says 'facial quality'.'