Greasy Spoon Fan T-Shirts

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"I believe I'll pass on the coffee."

All-Day Breakfast

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Non-Humble Pie.

Sometimes it's easy to see if a swamp creature is on vacation.

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

'It takes all day to eat it.'

'And you didn't think there would be any customers for liver-flavored cupcakes.'

Origin of the 'spork'

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

Beer

'Pardon me, M'sieur -- Did you order 'grilled cheese' or 'chilled grease'?'

Flatware Follies.

"Now we have Nancy Pelosi's gazpacho police spying on members of Congress."

Anarchist Cutlery: Soup Knife/ Bread Fork, Steak Spoon.

Milly's Home-Style Restaurant

"Can you make me a tall Tazo chai latte with soy milk?" Bartleby, the soon-to-be-unemployed barista.

'Why don't you stop moaning, and be grateful that mother was kind enough to invite us around for a special halloween supper!'

'Mom's Diner: your meal free if you wash all the dishes and take out the garbage.'

'I like making pastry. It gets your hands clean.'

Chicken Soup

No, I can get slow, sick and weak at home

"Wake me at five tonight with the full English."

Thank God it's Fry Day.

'Don't expect anything special

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

"I can't get the Grease soundtrack out of my head."

'Of course the steak's TOUGH-yer won't get cissy nosh in 'ere,chum!'

I can never remember which goes better with fish, red blood cells or white.

"Would you care for a drink before or after I shove menus in your face?"

"Are you ready to try it with a real egg?"

Paris is baffled - how did the best French secret agent "blow" his cover?

'Please be careful, sir, the plate is hot.'

Annual Umpire's Banquet.