Greasy Spoon Diner T-Shirts

"Wake me at five tonight with the full English."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

All-Day Breakfast

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

Sushi Train Spotters

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'Excellent cork, go ahead and pour.'

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

'It takes all day to eat it.'

Fast Food Restaurant

'How d'you want your eggs - down your pants, over your head...?'

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

"I'll have the chef."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'