Graveside Guru Gifts

In a cemetery a man's gravestone reads: Ran Out Of Survival Tips.

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

Deaths from Coronavirus

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Man runs scared from ringing graveyard bell.

'He lived and died for golf.'

The last word.

Walking on Water

'Yup, might be time for a new gardener.'

Valentine for Guru.

Ballerina and the light switch.

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll know how to fish."

A Late Bloomer.

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

"I'd love to, but I have a million lonely ritualistic things I need to do."

Huldrych Zwingli (Zwinglianism)

'The secret of life, son, is finding a better hiding place than I did.'

Man digging real grave for Halloween.

'If everything is illusory, why should I listen to you?'

'Yes...I found the light. Unfortunately it was that little one in the refrigerator.'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

'Let's talk dollars and cents. How many 'loved ones' did you lose in the stock market?'

'I don't know anything about Nirvana - I came up here to DIET.'

'He was a grateful man...just not in a good way.'

'I didn't think your sermon was that good!'

'It costs a lot to get it delivered out here, but I LOVE the Sunday crossword!'

'Maybe if we put an ad on Craig's List....'

'I'm on my break right now -- can you come back next February?'