Government Minister Gifts

'Hello, expenses department...Could you put me through to technicalities support...'

'My wife? Say I'm not here - I told her I was a minister.' (Headline of newspaper reads - 'Smith resigns to spend more time with family.')

When questioned about the 'respect' agenda the 'respect czar' said we should **** have a few beers and *****lighten up!

It was becoming increasingly clear that James Moore would one day become Canada's heritage minister.

"We utterly condemn the striking railway workers for punishing the people of Great Britain. . . that's our job. . .!"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Nation-building never works."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

The Anti-Agent

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"You're fired."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

They're Not Just That Into It

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

Mario Draghi

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

Pretty Flowers

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Trump pardons

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'