Cabinet Minister Gifts

Tony Benn

Blair, Brown, and a Mandelson snake.

Michael Portillo

'Reshuffle? What we need is a new pack.' (Newspaper headline reads: 'Cabinet Reshuffle').

Cabinet ministers on the way out.

"They're now standard issue for all cabinet ministers."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Black or white, Vicar?"

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

Night-time halo

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Golfing Bishop.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Early Piety