Ministry Gifts

"Pastor, we think it's time for your sabbatical."

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"Hard morning, Pastor?"

"My congregation isn't taking my clown ministry very seriously..."

"For those of you visiting our church for the first time just raise your hand and our ushers will refresh your coffee."

What Pastor Lewis started as a joke, ended up being a vital ministry...

Reverend Jerry Falwell.

'Nobody ever said that being a youth pastor would be EASY.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

"As my pastor I don't mind you making a decent salary, I'm just not comfortable with you driving a newer car than me."

"I just don't feel like you value my role as associate pastor."

The youth pastor and worship leader compete for the skinniest jeans award.

"He sounds just like he does on the radio."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"