Church Minister Gifts

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

'The love of money is the root of all evil? Is that the whole treasurer's report?'

'I can remember when you only had to worry about delivering good sermons.'

Talk about sarcasm, he gave me two free passes to church

'The vicar's sermon is running late again!'

Bible Bloopers

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

Night-time halo

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Golfing Bishop.