Church Committee Member Gifts

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

The Count Joins the Church Search Committee

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"We missed you at church Sunday."

'Hanson - committee of four.'

Bible Bloopers

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Midwest Winter Items.

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'It may not be our usual business lunch, but it will sure impress the hell out of the budget committee.'

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

'Okay, let's go over this again: You tell me your great ideas, I repeat them back to you, then you tell me I have a great idea and I get all the credit for it!'

"There's no need to go round the table - I know who I am."

Plain English group.

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"All those in favor Retweet."

Church Restoration Fund.

"The vote is tied. Half of us think the proposed plan is astoundingly asinine, and the other half finds it stupid beyond belief. Let's try to find a middle ground here, people!"

"The Board just wants to be sure you're well supported."

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

"The steering-committee three are we. Run it by us, and we'll see."

Conclave.

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

'That's it, in a nutshell.'

'Excellent - it's unanimous!'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

"The first goal of our ad hoc committee should be to learn Latin."

"I suppose the first thing to do is form an escape committee."