Church Council Member Gifts

'I'd like to ask the council's advice on how to get the congregation to sit closer to the front of the church.'

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

Midwest Winter Items.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

Church Restoration Fund.

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

"It's come to my attention that our sister city has been borrowing our city's clothes without even asking."

God's Law.

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

"Rudy, did you realize it's illegal for a boss to tell his minion how to vote?...And that therefore, I would never tell you to vote for my friend Patsy Marionette, for city council?"

The Mayor Alonzo Q. Furdweiller Pothole. Looks like the mayor and the city council are bickering again.

This is not what I had in mind when I joined the Council!

Conclave.

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

'We're donating our organist to science.'

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

"Forgive me Father, I'm about to sin."

"Can we discuss this?"

'Fourteenth century church, fourteenth century views.'

Vicar

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

Power corrupts: McDonalds.

Boss, what would you say if I told you that if you don't give me a raise, I'll go work somewhere else? I'd say "Wouldn't it be a shame if your letter of recommendation mentioned how you're an awful employee?" And I'd say "Isn't it a shame the town council has made sure this is the only cafe within fifty miles?" But the way, have you delivered my latest care packages to the council members? Very bad man.

'Page 37 in your hymnals and selection #15 on your iPods.'

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

Roller skater see a sign: Nightmareville Pop. 5679 Beware Of Government Red Tape

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'