Ministers Gifts

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

"Sinead?!"

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

Pastor Charles - also known as 'Charlie Chaplain'

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'Er, that's not a rubbish container, that's a classroom, Minister.'

'Chlamydia, that's a new one on me.'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'This will be the second marriage for both of us, so give it your best shot.'

'They're not supposed to have any love interest!'

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

". . . and what is the user name of this child?"

"Building fund not going well, Reverend?"

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."