Modern Minister Gifts

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Night-time halo

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

Golfing Bishop.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'