Online Minister Gifts

"Things have been pretty quiet around here since folks started worshipping online."

Pajama Day 743

'Irwin graduates from an online course today.'

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'I don't care what your chat group says. I say you're becoming overly dependent on technological gadgetry.'

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

Look, dork, I won't ask again. Will you help me use a computer? Maybe. What for? Internet Scrabble. I hear it is possible to play – what is the word? Online? I should like to send data over cyberspace. Through cyberspace.

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

I see. And why do you think you often feel lonely?

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

doom.com

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'It's an email of a text that someone twittered...I think.'

Tiddles completes his doctorate.

"When did tweeting become such an angry thing?"

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"OMG! 12 followers already...this thing could go viral."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"Whose idea was it to create a Zoom session for first graders?"

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

No one said anything about blogging …

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'

"I suppose a lot of people do their worshipping online these days."

"Believe me, the e-check is in the e-mail."

'It's nice to talk to you, Ms. Ponvert, but I need to get back to the blog I'm writing about people becoming more computer nerdy.'

'Since you got your laptop you lost your lap.'

'If you have any complaints, can you come to me before posting them on Myspace?'

"It's asking for your password."