Digital Preacher Gifts

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Moses on the web

"Black or white, Vicar?"

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Night-time halo

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Thou Shalt Not!

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

Dogma

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

The ecumenical dinner party.

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"We missed you at church Sunday."